dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
