:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
