i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
