my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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