"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My penis needs a shock collar
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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