ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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