Porn is love you can see.
...so i touched it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
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There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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