Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
