You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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