how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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