i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
