Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
