There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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