Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
