You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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