There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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