question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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