Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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