what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
