Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
