Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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