I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
