We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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