BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
