Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
