And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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