she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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