All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
