life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
