You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
