I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
