One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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