I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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