My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
