Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
