But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
