so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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