Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
