dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
