He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
