I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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