i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
