I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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