it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
