Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
