I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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