i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
