Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
