It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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