Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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