I faked an abortion last night.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
