he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
