1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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