Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
