im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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