I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
