My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
