It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
