i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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