toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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