She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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